When you are going through a break up, especially from a person you spent years with and loved, it can seem like your whole world is falling apart. When my relationship of four years ended, I felt the weight of the world on my chest. I had spent many years making plans with my ex on our future, and what it would look like. So when the idea of never getting to experience that became a reality to me, I didn't have the tools I needed to move on, and all I wanted was to rebuild the relationship.
I lost myself for several months; I felt alone and betrayed. I tried to remind myself that I have been through heartache before, and that eventually I’ll get back to being myself. But this time something felt different. I felt like I was living through an experience that was shifting my life, shifting me. In the past, when relationships ended for me, it hurt because I would no longer have the person; this time around, it felt like I was a stranger to myself .
I realized at some point that during most of my four year relationship, I spent my time making someone else happy; I poured from my cup to fill my partner’s. What was most devastating to me was that by the end of the relationship, I didn't even know what I wanted in my life. My happiness was tied with what could be with him, “our” future. I realized that I'd been living and looking forward to a future that will never happen. This realization brought me back into the present, where I prepared myself to face reality, and get back into alignment. I started to become more conscious of my thoughts. I had spent too much time being in my head, and living through the past. I started shifting my mindset, which allowed me to be an observer of my thoughts and life. This allowed me to see the end to my relationship as the right choice, and something that I was actually content with.
Deepak Chopra once said that “awakening happens when you are no longer living in a dream world where you filter everything through your ego, and focus on the future and the past. Instead, you have an almost simultaneous awareness of your individual self and the connection between that and everything else.” After my realization that indeed my relationship was over, I began the work of being. I poured into myself; I began reading more, spending time with loved ones, rediscovering what I loved and who I am. I've learned the lesson of letting go of attachments, increasing and extending kindness and compassion, and connecting to the bigger picture of life and the universe. The more I grew spiritually, the more I began to recognize my experience as a spiritual awakening.
Three signs of spiritual awakening I experienced about the break up
Letting Go of Attachments
The most painful part about moving on was letting go of the future I thought I would have with this person. I had to accept that the future I had planned for was never going to be a reality. The attachment I had to the idea hindered me from moving on. At times, I would stop and ask myself "what are you really crying about?" Deep down I knew the end of the relationship was something I had wanted for so long, but now I had to live in the reality that it was over. Once I released the attachment to the idea, I was able to release the pain I carried around. I felt free and moved on to discover what I wanted for myself. Learning how to let go of attachments has allowed me to create better intimate relationships. I learned how to love someone without having such a strong hold to them. I now feel more comfortable being in relationships, and also understood the importance of living in the moment. This resulted in me being fully present and enjoying what I have with my partner.
I always felt like I knew and loved who I was. After my break up, I realized that the love I felt most was the love my partner provided for me, and that I didn't really know what it felt to love myself. Because I had his love, I never felt the need to extend my love to myself. Love and compassion was something I freely gave to others. After the break up, I had to rediscover what it was like to love myself. I began doing the activities that we did together that I missed doing. I took myself on dates; I bought myself small and thoughtful gifts; I used affirmations to speak love onto myself, and surrounded myself with the people that raised my vibrations. I spent time alone, enjoyed trails and travel. I became content with just being in my own presence; I discovered myself. Learning to love myself, allowed me to extend genuine love to others. It truly opened my heart, and I have made it a priority to pour love into myself daily. This was one of the most important steps that I took on my journey. I had to learn that love shouldn't be something that I go out looking for someone to provide to me, it was something that I had to give myself.
I am the magic: When my relationship ended, I felt like I lost the best part of me. As I went inward to rediscover who I was, I fell in love with who I am.
Feeling a Sense of Connection
After committing to healing myself and opening my heart, I felt a sense of connection to myself, others and the universe. I felt so grounded, a feeling that I hadn't felt for a very long time. I felt connected to something bigger than me; that helped me accept the breakup and look forward to surrendering to the flow of life itself. The connection has stayed with me three years into my journey, and is the driving force for my commitment to keep growing. I really think my heart grew much bigger after going through that experience and coming out at this end.
My experience has shifted my life in a positive direction, even though at the moment I felt like my world was crashing. My experience is a constant reminder that feelings come and go. I am grateful for the love and experience I had in the relationship and fault no one for the end of it. I think of it as a beautiful love story that ended when it should have. There are times when my mind shifts to memories of the relationship, and it reminds me of the pain that it used to bring me when the relationship first ended. I used to try really hard to push the memories away, so that I don't have to feel pain or miss him. I thought that was the best way to move on. Now that I have worked through it, and understand the importance of accepting and acknowledging my feelings, I cherish the memories we created in the time that we had together. I know it can be hard to remember in times of distress, but I try to remember that nothing truly happens against us. There's a bigger picture to our lives that I believe only our creator can see, so we must trust the process of life. We must simply trust life itself, love every moment and person that comes into our life and not be afraid to let go when it is time.